Gifts

I’m manic right now, which is honestly awesome because I have deadlines and I’m finally making progress. Of course, one of the downsides is that I’m not really sleeping.

As I was driving home from work today, I was thinking about Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice. Which I love conceptually but it was too hard for me to actually play. The main character has psychosis, which she has viewed as a curse most of her life. Which led me to think how some cultures view mental illness, or other illnesses like epilepsy, as a gift from the gods.

And since I’m witchy sometimes, I had (jokingly)(?) said to myself, “Thank the Goddess for this mania.” And since I’m trying to be more positive, I thought, “What if I treat this like a gift? The Goddess is blessing me with this ability.”

And then I thought, “Oh ew gross, don’t like that” and thought about something else.

Not that I believe in goddesses or curses anyway, but the concept of some other force giving me insomnia and bipolar (and giving me, say, intelligence, or the ability to untie knots, or anything else) feels awful. If another force can give or take something away, what am I even here for? I might as well be Senua: a video game character, no actual sentience or will.